From discipline to love

Many parents – if not the most – are experiencing difficult relationships with their children. Tantrums, conflicts, power struggles, rebellions…Raising a child or teenager can be a perfect storm of stress and sadness and this is why so many methods have been introduced and so many books have been written on parenting. Some of them are truly excellent. But only two books have truly helped me as a parent to come a step closer to establishing a mutually respectful and flourishing relationship with my children.

Good childhood for better adult health

Adult and child holding hands

According to an article published in the latest issue of JAMA, by promoting behavioral health in children can lead to improved lifetime health. Author Thomas F. Boat, MD notes:

"evidence from developmental neuroscience indicates that the first 3 to 5 years of life are key to later life health and successes. Unrelenting, early life stress as the result of adverse childhood experiences (exposure to violence, physical and sexual abuse, neglect and substance abuse) is a major contributor to behavioral disorders of children and has been linked to poor health outcomes across a broad spectrum of disorders, as well as premature mortality, in adults. For instance, providing an enriched environment for disadvantaged children from the first year of life until kindergarten has been associated with a reduced risk of hypertension and metabolic syndrome in the fourth decade of life".

Family peace

What kinds of verbal responses do you use when your children come to you with feelings or problems? According to Dr. Thomas Gordon, Nobel Peace Prize Nominee and author of the best seller book "Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children", most parents  are sending to their children one single message: "I don't trust you to select your solution" ! Usually, when a parent is telling his/her child precisely what to do - thus offering his/her solution to a problem - the possible effects are:

• resistance,
• disobedience,
• frustration,
• lies,
• anger,
• fights.

Think of the last time you had a discussion with your child about an issue. Did your reaction belong to one of the following categories:

• telling the child to do something, giving him an order or a command,
• telling the child what consequences will occur if he does something,
• telling the child what he should or ought to do,
• telling the child how to solve a problem, giving him advice or suggestions, providing answers or solutions for him,
• trying to influence the child with facts, counterarguments, logic, information, or your own opinions,
• making a negative judgement or evaluation of the child,
• making the child feel foolish, putting the child into a category, shaming him,
• communicating that you have him figured out or have him diagnosed,
• trying to make the child feel better, talking him out of his feelings, denying the strength of his feelings,
• trying to find reasons, motives, causes,
• distracting the child, pushing the problem aside.

If your answer is yes you belong to the majority of parents who are trying in a wrong way to communicate with their children and understand their needs. You are struggling hard and lovingly, yet your house is full with anger, fighting, tantrums, punishment and lies. Whether you have a toddler striking out for independence or a teenager who has already started rebelling, Parent Effectiveness Training is your solution! A compassionate, effective way to instill responsibility and create a nurturing family environment in which your children will thrive.

Eleven truths "Maleficent" brought to my mind

 Who said truths can not be found in fairy tales? "Maleficent" reminded me of the following:

1. The wings (of soul) give power. To dream, to travel, to create.
2. Do not trust ambitious people. They will do everything in order to achieve their goal.
3. When your wings are cut (by parents, friends, companions, teachers, colleagues and so on) it hurts.
4. Parents are not those who bring you in this world, but the ones who become your protective shadow.
5. Nature rejuvenates. Visit it regularly.
6. Adaptability is a powerful weapon. Become a raven, a wolf, a dragon according to the occasion.
7. It is impossible not to love a child. It's your immaculate, innocent version.
8. Obsession with the past, hatred and thirst for revenge destroy lives.
9. Do not challenge Nature. She knows how to defend herself.
10. Love at first sight is not true love.
11. No one will love you more than your mother!

Guess who did't sleep last night!

Credit: imgur.com

I still remember how much I had laughed when I first saw this picture! At that time my son was about ten months old and he still used to wake me up two to three times every night. However that was a big improvement! Until then he was waking me up almost every hour. Every night.

Children need parents.

"A severe tendency of human relations weathering is developing in west world societies, which tends to convert the social body into an amorphous mass of human dust. Such a thing is politically controlled and ideologically handled much easier and succumbs to the powers of consumerism and psycho-intellectual control. In that general trend the relations between parents and children have become a target and are attacked with two major weapons:  the first is scorning the parental role, which climaxes as the difficulty of parents to impart to their children the art of parenting. The second weapon is the apotheosis of childish narcissism, up to the point where the teenager way of life becomes the center of life style...

What children need, want and demand (sufficient parents) is not something metaphysic, unheard or unrealistic. It is rudimentary human. The accomplishment of parenting can be an action of upmost moral reward. Which is the sense of parental pride. This is why, even though some mechanisms seem to be supporting the opposite, being a parent that wants his/her child, without fear and with some kind of art, can be done!"

The above text is a translation of a few paragraphs from the book "Children do not need a psychologist. They need parents!" by Nikos Sideris. Whether you are a parent or not this book is worth reading. If you can read in Greek, light up your diffuser, drip a few drops of basil essential oil for better concentration and learn how not to be afraid to be a parent!

My suggestions:

The essential oil of basil has the property to increase concentration and mental clarity. Add a few drops in the diffuser or dilute 1 drop of essential oil in a teaspoon of sweet almond oil and gently massage your temples.

The book "Setting Limits: How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries " demonstrates proven techniques and procedures that correct children's bad behaviour and shows parents how to grow responsible youngsters who will respect the rules of the family, without conflicts and endless fights. A must have for every parent!

Hope amid crisis

A few days ago, during demonstrations against the new financial measurements a very tragic incident took place in Athens. Three people that had the misfortune to be working in a bank at the area of demonstrations lost their lives in a tragic way. One of the victims was four months pregnant.

The news have already traveled around the globe and many international media are adding to the recent murky characterizations about Greeks one more.

Ubuntu

Ubuntu. This word was chosen as a name for the free, open source operating system based on Linux which is distributed free of charge and can be improved by any programmer wishing to participate in the development team. Ubuntu in the language of the African tribe Zulu means “I am what I am because of what we all are”. At the following video one of the most known and charismatic personalities of Africa, Nelson Mandela explains the meaning of the word ubuntu and speaks about its message. Solidarity, respect, sharing, offer, care, trust, unselfishness are concepts embodied by the word ubuntu.

Aromatherapy is governed by these concepts.

Baby massage

If you are a parent, a wonderful way to enhance the emotional bond between you and your baby is to incorporate a relaxing massage into his/her everyday treatment routine. Your caress can offer your baby calmness, relief if it is suffering from colic aches and/or constipation, muscle and nervous system strengthening, enhanced blood circulation, better quality and longer duration of sleep.

Valentine's Day is just an opportunity!

Valentine's Day is coming closer. Perhaps you belong to the people who are bothered by the commercialization of all aspects of life. However, with the fast-paced daily routines and exhausting programs most of us have, these "special celebration days" may have some extra meaning. They could pose an opportunity to slow down, relax, get close to our partner and enjoy with her/him a sensual night.Whichever you consider the ideal setting for a romantic appointment - candlelight dinner, relaxing bath for two or sensual massage - the use of essential oils can make these moments even more unforgettable. Jasmine, sandalwood, ylang-ylang, patchouli, geranium are essential oils that stimulate senses and are characterized as aphrodisiacs. Choose what you and your partner like most, add a few drops in a diffuser, bath or massage oil, put some sensual music on and ... enjoy!